Rexzooly Kai Black

OK, here is a post that might get some confused, I spent this weekend with Stacey Anne Lawson and what a weekend, we talked and talked, we both let so much out we really needed to, I have to say I feel like I can walk forward with her, I don’t just mean go froward and stay like I am I mean go forward and maybe one day even be happy, I smile and I mean it, I enjoy life when I am around her, yes I still feel my crappy feelings in the background but there not just going to go away over night sadly, but I feel like things can really change here, we both have our problems but we both really help each other out, she’s shown me that I can also be loved back after I have shown so much love forward, I am really not sure why I never felt like this before, I not saying my ex’s are bad people maybe they was just not the right people for me, I kick my self a lot at the moment and Stacey is just there with open arms, her hugs are so relaxing at times I can even feel myself drifting off in at the safty of her arms it’s crazy.

After all this time we pushed for one another and right now I just so glad we did, there was times where I almost give in and almost times where Stacey give in but something made us both to keep going and I so glad we did, I not sure why I kept pushing for her I knew I loved her and I knew I wanted to be with her the rest of my life but I not sure why or what give me the energy to keep on going, things right now have not been easy and I don’t just mean with her ex’s but I am not well, and shes kept fighting for me its like WOW does someone really want to be around me and have me in there life so much.

I am not a perfect person and my depression can really make me a square and not really fun sometimes, but it seems Stacey is able to dig around and make me smile and happy again, its like she knows what’s making me tick. I am in love the kind of love you really only do feel once, you can love for others but there is a only going to be one that are really got there and taken all your heart and she is that person.

I have been talking for about 3 years about getting my CBT and getting a bike so I can get out and about and when I feel so bad I can just go out and leave the world in once place and just ride until I clear my head, I never really had the push from friends and family to do it, Stacey just shows me little of that world and well I have sent off for my licence and soon as that comes back I will be going for my CBT, I am looking for a cheap bike and I just doing things to move forward, I still doing what my Doctors say and waiting to see what service will be in place to help me, I pushing to be able to cope with my problems and have some kind of life and Stacey is the reason I got that new push to want to do that.

I don’t know how long this will last and I don’t want to know, I am just going to enjoy what I have with Stacey and be happy, yes she makes me happy. There are people in my past that I been with that just didn’t make me happy I just was a broken person and I did what they wanted and then still got seen as the bad person no matter what I did, I have to say that no longer is the case thank you Stacey for showing me that there is a reason to push in life.

I love you Stacey Anne Lawson, I am going stand by you as long as you let me and I will always listen to your problem’s, I will always try and help you over come your problems and fears, I will always be true to you, I will try my best to always let you know how I feel and I am sorry if sometimes I bottle up my feelings and problems.

Now Listening to:

Hot Butter -Popcorn [techno mix]
Youtube link – Here

I really don’t know why I have been letting my mind just go crazy I know what my heart wants and for once I going to fucking listen to that, Stacey Anne Lawson is what my heart wants and I shall be open with her as much as I can and I will just keep my head up, love can be hard and can be great and at times it can be 50/50 and yes she’s worth it I going to stop listening to what people say about her and I going to stop letting what people say about me to her get to me, if she wants me I am here so other people can just fuck off.

Stacey, I love you so much, I am your Kai, your tubby Panda, I knew I would never live down that name so I just accepted it lol and you are My Red .

Side note, NO one and I mean NO one at this time can judge me so LEAVE Stacey alone, including you Ross you never got to know me, so you have NO right and NO facts to make your judgements just leave it out.

Now Listening to:

Cheap Trick – I Want You To Want Me
Youtube link – Here

I have to say I never new I could say this but I think I could see my self happy, yes I think I understand that feeling now, the feeling is not just there yet but I can see it and I think I understand how and what I have to do to get this feeling, I am now with Stacey Anne Lawson and well I don’t think I never been so fucking in love before as there as always been a few things in ever relationship in the past where something just didn’t feel right but with Stacey it just fits.

She makes me smile, she makes me content, she knows how to care back in ways I never new I would feel back, I have to say if this only lasts a short time it would be a time that as been worth the fight and up hill battle to get to, I love her with all my beaning. Stacey as her problems and she as her downfalls like us all but this just makes her more perfect, ya that might not make sense to some people but it really does make sense to me. She’s not like most of my resent partners for one she’s a biker, she’s only 5’3 and she just makes me smile without even trying, she can also make me cry without trying.

Stacey as made me look at my future in a new light a light I never seen, well not seen in a very long time, but this time around all parts to that future seem to fit so I just hope this is right for both of us cos it feels so right.

I have my problems and she accepts them, she as her problems and I accept them. I am sure we can work to make each other better people, I love you Stacey Anne Lawson, no matter what people say we are right for each other, Hugs, Kisses and my heart goes out to you chuck XxX

Now Listening to:

Nightcore – Don’t Leave Me Alone
Youtube link – HERE